


War of Hearts

by vampyrolover



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-18
Updated: 2019-12-17
Packaged: 2021-02-08 06:50:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21471811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vampyrolover/pseuds/vampyrolover
Summary: And despite her perfect judgment, she did have to see that when it came to the Luthor, she’d have to bend the rules a little, therefore judging the situation on different terms that weren’t her own, because there was nothing rational about her feelings.𝒅𝒐𝒏'𝒕 𝒈𝒊𝒗𝒆 𝒎𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒔𝒆 𝒆𝒚𝒆𝒔,'𝒄𝒂𝒖𝒔𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝒎𝒆 𝒂𝒏𝒅𝑰 𝒄𝒂𝒏'𝒕 𝒔𝒂𝒚 𝒏𝒐 𝒕𝒐 𝒚𝒐𝒖,𝒘𝒆 𝒄𝒂𝒏'𝒕 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒆𝒂𝒄𝒉 𝒐𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒏 𝒊𝒇 𝒘𝒆 𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒅 𝒕𝒐.𝒊𝒏 𝒂𝒏𝒐𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒍𝒊𝒇𝒆, 𝒅𝒂𝒓𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒈,𝑰'𝒍𝒍 𝒅𝒐 𝒂𝒏𝒚𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒐 𝒃𝒆 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒚𝒐𝒖.
Relationships: Alex Danvers & Lena Luthor, Alex Danvers/Lena Luthor
Comments: 45
Kudos: 141





	1. Thoughts Of You Consume

Christmas lights blinked steadily out on the streets of National City, sending a soft glow through the large balcony window, and consequently illuminating the otherwise dark room, yet it was the soft glimmer of the moon that shone just as dazzlingly that covered the Agent’s nimble fingers as they worked at the laces of her boots.

Slow, albeit not lazy, digits tied black laces, each ticking second giving her the opportunity to stay in the company of the woman she loved just a while longer, no matter how wrong it was.

How wrong it should feel, when it really didn’t.

In fact, as bright green orbs that reminded her so much of _life_, its freshness and vigor, observed her, Alex could feel as they scanned over her frame fearfully, the insecurities towards regret, an eventual ending, anything that’d remotely make her feel as if everything that had unfolded between them had meant nothing but a mistake, radiating perceptibly off the silent woman.

Emerald eyes watched her in fear she’d be another number on the vast list of her mistakes.

“Do you. .”

A slightly raspy voice finally replaced the dreading silence of their hotel room, tired hazel orbs flickering to regard the powerful CEO, looking so small in her own skin as she buried her bare body deeper in cold sheets, raven hair completely mussed and lips reddened from their shared kisses forming the slightest of pouts. Despite the circumstances of their situation, and how adamant the redhead had been in leaving just a couple of minutes before, she could feel as the overwhelming urge to comfort her filled her from head to toe.

So much that when slender fingers anxiously played with each other, a sorrowful gaze escaping the possibility of reality dawning on them, and landing on her nervous hands instead, she nearly reached out to stop them from tearing tender skin at the corners of perfectly polished nails. That same urge didn’t really fade away, but still quieted enough as the rest of startling words slipped part plump lips, eventually being replaced with the undeniable need to bruise that delicious mouth some more.

“. .do you really have to go?”

“I think we both know I do, Miss Luthor.”

“God, don’t—”

A frustrated puff of air escaped, sounding so much like a masked sob, and Alex’s previous, unwavering decision to run out of that damned room broke her just a little, a small part of her brain falling into the temptation of opting for something else, something that made the two happier, more comfortable, although never quite fulfilled.

But she froze still, refusing to move from her spot at the end of the bed, neither approaching the Luthor, or slipping out of her grasp as she’d been planning.

“—don’t call me that. Don’t call me that as if you weren’t knuckle–deep in me just a few minutes ago.”

“I’m not doing this.”

“Doing what? D–Doing what, Alexandra? You just did it.”

“You’re married, Lena. I’m having an affair with a married woman, and as if that wasn’t enough, we’re five seconds away from discussing our feelings. That wasn’t on the agreement.”

Fantastic way to describe what was really two people falling madly in love with each other, shortening it to a version where she saw it as a casual affair, and thus hurting the one person she’d been trying to protect more than anything else.

And she was an FBI Agent.

Hurting her.

That’s what happened, she noticed. Then again, how could she not? She felt like she had kicked a puppy, watching as Lena’s face fell, the previous frustration switching to overwhelming sorrow, mouth parted though no actual words coming out, to yell at her, curse her, hopefully even change her mind. And though what she’d said had been the truth, she couldn’t help but feel like a complete idiot.

“Agreement?”

Lena seemed to settle on that at last, still looking visibly upset and allowing her gaze to travel everywhere, but Alex herself.

“That’s what I am to you? An agreement? How—I remember us being friends first. Do you remember that?”

“Yeah, and I remember what happened after that.”

“I didn’t force you to do anything, Alex, I didn’t tie you to a bed and force you to make love to me nearly every damn night for the past two years.”

Funny how those four words slapped her right across the face, its true, deep meaning hurting a lot more than the simple term “fuck” would have. Because she was right, she’d been making love to her for two years.

Loving her.

Yearning for her.

“I’m not talking about that!”

Sidetracked by where the topic was led, those words were pouring out of her mouth before she had the chance of stopping them, finally standing from the bed abruptly, allowing hazel orbs to flutter shut so she could focus on anything other than on how Lena seemingly curled in on herself, the perfect and alluring shape of her body underneath those bedsheets deepening her craving to forget about the world outside, and slid back in bed with her.

“I’m—”

“You’re what?”

“You went and married someone else for the sake of your mother’s sanity, Lena. Do you remember the person you were before Lillian dictated every single aspect of your life?”

“Alexandra, don’t—”

Intentionally ignoring how exhausted the CEO sounded once more, she limited herself to pacing back and forth across the expanse of their wide room, letting herself be guided by colourful, fading lights that continuously flickered, releasing a heavy breath as she continued much to a particular someone’s dismay.

“You wanted to cure cancer, for crying out loud. You were completely loyal to the idea of devoting yourself to sick children, turning to a secretive side of your career that you love more than anything else, although rarely ever allow anyone to see. And then you took over a company that wasn’t meant to be yours in the first place, and allowed that devious woman to turn everything upside down.”

“It’s the family’s company, of course I was going to take over! W–What did you expect me to do?”

“Lex’s company, you mean? Lex who you took pity upon? Your brother who wasn’t even half as loyal to your true devotions? Then, as if that wasn’t enough, you went all out for it, chasing your mother’s every need, completely oblivious to your own. None of us doubted the possibility of you trying to save your brother’s life work, Lee, but you went as far as marrying someone you didn’t love for appearances, merely because Lillian Luthor thought it was appropriate.”

“Alexandra—”

“Don’t Alexandra me!”

Uncertain of whether she wanted to whine, or snarl, Alex grabbed her coat, hurriedly slipping it on whilst tired, wistful orbs turned toward the window, taking a glimpse of tall buildings and dazzling lights.

It wasn’t that she deserved better, both of them did.

Lena Luthor deserved better.

“You didn’t even fight it, Lena. You got married to a random man who has no sight of your true value, and allowed yourself to be a complete puppet in your mother’s hands. And yes, I’ve been making love to you for two years, but it makes me wonder… how much longer do we have to keep this up for you to understand we’re better off together? What will it take?”

Silence.

She was met with silence, though she wasn’t blind to heavy tears that welled up at emerald eyes.

“You fulfill me. My time, my life, everything. I push through days only looking forward to the moment where I’ll see you, I find myself in the midst of danger, anything that can very well end me, and all I seem to do is pray to come back to you. That’s all I do, Lena. As a non-believer, I pray. I fall at your knees the second I lay my eyes on you, and at the end of every night, you slip through my fingers to go back to a life you can’t even cherish. And even so, I find myself feeling as if you still everything, and I’m left with nothing. What will it take? Will you ever see it?”

Hands reaching out for her badge and gun, she clipped them both to her belt, heading straight for the door without glancing back or even waiting for a single response, knowing that whatever Lena had to say would surely make her backtrack and stay, even if it wasn’t what she’d been looking for. She stepped out of the room, regretfully leaving the woman she loved behind and trudged towards the elevator, feeling beyond thankful when the doors slid open and she found emptiness.

As trembling fingers lifted to rub at tired eyelids, the redhead really did try to be stronger than her needs, forcibly focusing on the fact that’d been for the best. Sooner or later, they’d have to find an ending for something, whether it was their relationship or everything else that got in the way of it.

But truth was, as she rode the elevator to the lobby’s floor, all she could really think of was the fact none of them had been looking for that.

For an ending.

And despite her perfect judgment, she did have to see that when it came to the Luthor, she’d have to bend the rules a little, therefore judging the situation on different terms that weren’t her own.

Because there was nothing rational about her feelings for her.

Desperate, her forefinger relentlessly pressed at a single button, foolishly hoping it’d lead her back to the floor where she’d just been, and upon realising that wasn’t happening, she pushed her way out of the elevator before its doors were even fully opened. Refusing to repeat such a slow ride considering how eager she felt towards the possibility of returning to the raven–haired beauty, Alex took the stairs this time, rushing her way upward and throwing the door open when her blurry gaze caught sight of the right floor’s number, all but collapsing against a warm body that was entirely too familiar to her, hence the reason why her arms instantly curled around delicious curves, reassuring their balance all the while holding her close to her torso.

“Alex—”

“What were you doing?”

“Coming after you.”

“In a silky robe? Have you lost your mind? It’s snowing, Lena.”

Nuzzling into tender hands that cautiously cupped her cheeks, it wasn’t lost on her the way the chest pressed into her own vibrated in silent laughter, her inability to actually snap at the woman leading her to the conclusion she was never going to win with her.

“I’m glad that’s your train of thought, and not the fact I’d be running out in inappropriate clothing.”

“Mhm, I was getting there.”

After all, they were still standing in the middle of a long corridor where anyone could sneak out of their rooms or the elevator, and catch them in such conditions.

But before she had the opportunity to really think that through, words filled with insecurity and fear were slipping past Lena’s lips—

“Please, don’t leave me, too.”

—those that she instantly covered with her own, locking them in a loving kiss whilst lifting her off the ground. It took less than a second before smooth thighs were wrapping around her hips, feeling as bare heels dug into her behind as she led them back in the room, all but snarling upon realising the CEO had decided she’d been in too much of a rush to even put her heels back on.

Surely, running in high heels was the least ludicrous thing she pictured Lena Luthor doing.

Also, something she was pretty certain that was possible. That woman could do anything.

Kicking the door shut with the heel of one of her boots, Alex carried her lover towards the bed, lifting a hand in order to undo that poor excuse of a knot, slipping it open before her palm was stroking over a soft stomach and she was climbing onto the expensive mattress, cautiously laying Lena on it as slender fingers ran through her red locks and tugged.

Fingers that only tugged harder when her mouth ghosted over the flawless line of her jaw, kissing her way down her neck, refusing to leave a single inch of skin untouched.

She could stay for another night.


	2. Won't you stay?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Home—the one home she considered her own, too, the one she’d put effort into making it so, so much that she’d refuse to taint it with rapid exits after heated nights of love–making when she’d have to slip away from the safety of her arms without fully relishing in their protection.
> 
> '𝒄𝒂𝒖𝒔𝒆 𝑰 𝒅𝒐𝒏'𝒕 𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒏𝒂 𝒇𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒊𝒏 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆,  
𝒊𝒇 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒅𝒐𝒏'𝒕 𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒏𝒂 𝒕𝒓𝒚,  
𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝑰'𝒗𝒆 𝒃𝒆𝒆𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒐𝒇  
𝒊𝒔 𝒎𝒂𝒚𝒃𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖'𝒓𝒆 𝒎𝒊𝒏𝒆.

“Did you forget about that conference in Metropolis?”

“Tomorrow? No, I don’t think I did.”

Despite her endless attempts not to sound snappy, Conrad seemed to easily inspire it in her lately, and it wasn’t as if it was irrational, she had a perfectly good reason for it, but allowing herself to actually voice whatever normally bothered her was a whole different story. Instead, she allowed her Luthor genes to kick in, bitterness lacing each word that left her lips even as she tried to hold back what truly triggered her.

“There’s also the fundraiser at the end of the week, and don’t forget about the Christmas gala at the Children’s Hospital—”

“Conrad—”

Speaking through gritted teeth, slender fingers clenched around the pen she’d been using to finish writing some reports, her inability to face the male completely fading away as emerald orbs lifted from the pile of paperwork before her to settle on his frame instead, her facial expression clearly showing she wasn’t in the mood for chit–chat.

“I get that you’re bored, but apart from not being a complete imbecile, I happen to have hired an assistant. Need I remind you of the brilliant staff L—Corp has, which apparently, now includes you?”

“Hasn’t it always?”

The soft clonk of her pen falling onto the glass of her desk echoed off the walls, its noise sounding far worse, and more overwhelming then, when irritation seemed to cloud her judgement and she no longer could hold back her snark. Frankly, if she had to truly think deeply into it, she’d have no other choice but to conclude he had been seeking for that result the entire time.

“What are you talking about?”

“Oh, come on, Lena. This marriage is clearly a farce.”

“I honestly don’t need reminding, Conrad. I was there, remember?”

“Then, there’s no doubt in the fact I belong to the list of that same staff.”

Almost as if on cue, her phone vibrated with a text message, the mere _Agent_ that read across the screen easing some of her nerves and momentarily causing her to wonder if she’d somewhat _known_, and if it wasn’t for the fact she was a rational person for the most, always relying on facts, she’d have assumed the redhead had guessed her current state of mind and decided to check in with her. Still, cutting that conversation short for a pathetic whim seemed ludicrous, which caused her to fight against her instincts and focus on her _husband_ instead.

“Don’t act as if I promised you anything other than the little act my mother practically _pleaded_ for me to put up with. You’ve known what this was about from the very beginning.”

“You won’t even give it a chance! An actual relationship, children—”

Spluttering out laughter, Lena wouldn’t even dare to hide her shock, not even if her life depended on it. In fact, as she allowed those words to truly sink in, she was left wondering whether or not she was going absolutely insane. Had he actually mentioned the possibility of her carrying his child, or was her mother’s charade affecting her so deeply, she was actually, quite probably, simply hearing surreal things?

“Children? Wait—”

And then, it dawned on her. As quick as it had come, laughter was replaced with a hardened expression, an icy stare landing onto the male who seemingly shrunk in on himself, and though her work called enticingly out for her, she abruptly stood from her seat, listening as the chair rolled away and slammed against the nearest wall.

“Is this what you’ve been speaking to my mother about? Children? Are you out of your mind?”

“We _are_ married. It’s not all that crazy for either of us to consider it.”

“No, actually—it’s so fucking unbelievable, it’s actually goddamn impossible. Why on Earth would I even entertain those thoughts?”

“Lena—”

Oh, she wanted to scream. And growl. All the while scolding herself for being so stupid to the point of following Lillian Luthor’s instructions.

Come to think of it, she was beginning to believe _genius_ was not the right term to describe her.

“How much do I have to stress the fact this is not a real marriage? What—? Conrad, frankly—what the hell?”

“You enjoy mentioning that quite a lot. Am I a lunatic for believing that, eventually, you’d grow to love me?”

“Yes—Yes, in fact, you are. I tolerate you, Conrad. That’s as far as I can go, and it’s just something else you’ve been aware of from the beginning. I tolerate you. I tolerate you as my husband for mere appearances, because throughout my entire life, that was really all that mattered to my family. I tolerate you in my house, because it never really felt like home, and I never really planned on making it one, either. And I tolerate having you around me, because I’d rather keep an eye on you than imagining whatever the hell you and my mother are planning behind my back. I guess I should have expected the possibility of you plotting against me nonetheless, because…then again, has anything ever stopped the all–too–powerful Lillian Luthor?”

Finally, she reached out for her phone, although not with the initial intent. Alexandra Danvers was still an ever–present thought at the back of her mind, but she’d usually rather not connect her, or mix her with anything that developed an overwhelming rage deep within her. Unfortunately, she found herself in the position of having to avoid her messages for a while longer, even if her deepest urges tugged her towards the woman herself, and shot a quick text to her lawyer instead, requiring his efforts and talents, those that had been offered on more than one occasion upon being all too aware of what that relationship stood for.

Nothing but a mere contract.

And just like every other unfavourable, misguided deals, she needed to put an end to it.

“How could you fool yourself into the idea of me loving you? You’re an excuse to silence my mother, Conrad, and I was the easiest way for you to make money effortlessly. Which means, this needs to stop. I want you out of my house by tonight.”

Noticing the way his expression morphed into one of concern, laced with the least bit of determination, she held up a hand to stop any further arguments, knowing full–well that whatever came out of his mouth afterwards would be attempts to fix what did _not_ exist between the two, for the sake of not enraging the remaining Luthor, apart from herself.

“Don’t fight it. If you think pissing off Lillian Luthor is a mistake, do not go as far as to be foolish to the point of believing you can get in my way, and get out of it unharmed.”

It was an empty threat, and anyone who knew the smallest detail about her would know that, too. Apparently, it didn’t seem to be the case for Conrad, considering the way he easily accepted those words without a struggle.

Truly—_she was an idiot._

…

The sight she was graced with shortly after knocking on Alexandra Danvers’ door was a little too unfair, and far too distracting, but she pushed through it.

_Except she didn’t._

Not at all.

In fact, as bright green orbs scanned over the redhead’s appearance, there was no stopping her noticing the arm sling, along with a few other visible bruises that she was nearly certain would not be all.

“You should have seen the other guy.”

Concern clearly clouding her judgement, she barely even noticed the futile attempt at a joke, too busy pushing her back in the apartment as one of her hands waved aimlessly in the air until she got a hold of the door and shut it loudly.

“What happened?”

“Rough day at the job.”

“Rough? Sure, that explains it. Why didn’t you call me?”

And that’s when she reminded herself of the unanswered texts. Unread, too, as she thought over her afternoon, and with guilt instantly washing over her, she looked up into warm hazel orbs, finding no signs of a judgmental expression which instantly eased her nerves.

She didn’t deserve that woman. Nothing she did, nothing she could ever do would get her to deserve that gracious woman.

“I’m sorry, I—something came up—”

Before she was in too deep with her excuses, the agent’s good hand was reaching up to brush a strand of raven hair behind her ear, tucking it tenderly as a gentle grin formed at her features, and Lena melted just a _little_.

“It’s okay, I figured.”

“Does it hurt?”

“Like hell.”

Soft laughter spilled from the CEO’s lips, though it wasn’t at all lost on her the fact it was the wrong moment for it. There hadn’t been a snarky comment from her lover’s part, and there was no denying she was in pain, but there was something about the adorable, rare pout that formed over Alex’s face that simply did _things_ to her.

“Can I clean up those wounds properly?”

“What? They’re cleaned.”

“You’re still bleeding from that ridiculously small cut over your brow, _Alexandra_.”

A huff of breath escaped the agent’s lips, but she headed towards the kitchen island where a first–aid kit awaited anyway, evidently only proving Lena’s possible theory that she’d been trying to heal herself when the closest hospital was five minutes away. Trying not to scold her for it, though, the Luthor actually seemed to be capable of behaving, simply following after before she was settling between open thighs after she was sat on one of the stools, cautiously picking up where she left off by grabbing a soaked, clean gauze and applying it to tender skin.

“You really need to stop calling me that.”

“What? Your name?”

If it weren’t for the brief burning left by cautious touches, she was quite certain Alex would have rolled her eyes.

“You could call me so many other things…”

“Oh? Like what?”

Unable to stop the smile that formed at her features, she dared a single glimpse at the woman before her, rapidly turning back to _the_ important task before she’d allow distractions to sway her away from what most mattered.

“_Yours_.”

It was the genuine tone in her voice that stilled Lena in her movements, switching her attempts to clean the blood across delicate skin to a gentle touch instead, cautious digits slipping across flawless cheekbones as emeralds met loving hazel orbs, those that refused to look away from the sight of her, even as she played nurse.

_Especially_ as she played nurse.

“Honey—”

Features morphing into a light wince, she found herself incapable of voicing her thoughts, simply settling back into the darkest, scariest depths of her mind as her hand made another attempt to finish its work, only to have Alex’s healthy one wrapping around a slender wrist.

“What’s wrong?”

“It’s nothing, it’s—_silly_. Don’t mind me.”

“_Lee_…”

The mere nickname captured her attention, gaze falling back into hers as her whole body leaned forward for the kind of comfort she’d been seeking all afternoon, and despite her wish to tell her she had been right, she’d always been right, and that her foolish, unbelievably crazy decision to marry someone she barely knew, and surely did not love, had quite clearly, nearly ruined her life had it not been for her, her presence, her support, her _love_, her thoughts continued to stray away.

To where she’d never dared to go, before that day.

“Talk to me.”

“I—”

“Please?”

Still hesitant, but decidedly more determined into getting that conversation over with, she rapidly tossed bloodied—gauzes onto the surface of the kitchen island, reaching out for the ridiculously adorable band—aids she would otherwise have believed Alex kept for kids, if it wasn’t for her sister’s inclination towards the colourful ones, and as she carefully placed it over the cleaned wound over her brow, she found herself tipping closer to the topic she had been trying to avoid by doing just that.

“Do you. .”

Her voice barely reaching the gentle tones of a whisper, she wondered if the agent could even hear her, finding a confused gaze watching her closely which let her know she was, indeed, paying attention, despite the clear fear towards whatever could possibly come out of her mouth.

“. .want kids?”

Unable to stop herself from noticing the way Alexandra’s body visibly relaxed, her inner questioning took a whole different direction, turning towards doubts of what could have gone through her head that scared her to the point of looking so worried in one second, and so incredibly relieved in another.

“O–Of course. Don’t you?”

“Would you want them with me?”

She asked rather than giving a response, full–aware that her lover would never give it a rest, though for the moment would respect her space. Still, she found there to be no time to second—guess herself, perhaps even fear her response, considering how quick she’d been to reply.

“Yes.”

“Would you. .have them to use them in your favour towards the public eye? Perhaps, even. .use them against me?”

“What? Lena, —”

Already expecting the woman to try, and get up, her instinctive reaction always being one to comfort her, she gently held onto her shoulders, careful not to put pressure on her injured side—which, come to think of it, was hard to decide, since she seemed to be bruised everywhere.

“Just—Just answer that for me, please?”

“Of course not. I would never use anything against you.”

“But you would still want them with me, regardless of what it could mean?”

Features softening, there was still a hint of worry in soft hazel optics, yet once more, her focus was dedicated to her insecurities, and that alone.

“I would want them, precisely for what it would mean. Except, not quite in the way you’re viewing it. I _want_ them because they’d be yours, _ours_, and especially because nothing else matters, surely not the people scrutinising your every move, your _mother_, anyone that would use them to hurt you.”

The mention of her mother was so casual, although, at the same time, so unbelievably powerful, that she stopped to question herself if perhaps Alexandra Danvers could read her mind, after all. But the truth was that her insecurities were met with nothing but tenderness, something she had only found in _her_, and even if she knew they’d have to deepen that conversation at some point, especially considering her lover would never be able to quit thinking about it, she could do nothing but stare lovingly at her for the moment.

Just a few, delightful seconds where she granted herself with the wonderful sight of the woman she loved, looking vulnerable, but always in control of the situation, beyond prepared to love her, and so beautifully comfortable in her own home.

Home—the one home she considered her own, too, the one she’d put effort into making it so, so much that she’d refuse to taint it with rapid exits after heated nights of love–making when she’d have to slip away from the safety of her arms without fully relishing in their protection.

She found herself desiring to never slip away from them again.

“You cut your hair.”

She mumbled instead, slender fingers exploring through short strands of red hair before her fingernails were scratching across her scalp.

Surprisingly, Alex accepted that as the only answer she needed at that moment.

“It was getting in the way.”

“I love it—”

Giving it a tug, which only elicited a chuckle from the FBI agent, in order to emphasise her point, she watched as her fingers continued to weave through smooth locks.

“—it suits you.”

“You know what looks better on me?”

“If you say me, so help me God—”

Warm lips covered her own before she could end that sentence, yet neither of them were fully capable of falling into the tantalizing effects of their shared kisses, bursting into laughter instead whilst a single arm encircled Lena’s waist, and pulled her into a protective, loving embrace.

She was home, after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I gave in.
> 
> I don't know where this is leading, but you guys convinced me. I'm terribly sorry for the wait, and I hope that you enjoy it. I'm still beating myself up for it.


	3. She Used To Be Mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝒔𝒉𝒆'𝒍𝒍 𝒈𝒆𝒕 𝒔𝒕𝒖𝒄𝒌,   
𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒃𝒆 𝒔𝒄𝒂𝒓𝒆𝒅 𝒐𝒇 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒍𝒊𝒇𝒆   
𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕'𝒔 𝒊𝒏𝒔𝒊𝒅𝒆 𝒉𝒆𝒓, 𝒈𝒓𝒐𝒘𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒔𝒕𝒓𝒐𝒏𝒈𝒆𝒓   
𝒆𝒂𝒄𝒉 𝒅𝒂𝒚 '𝒕𝒊𝒍 𝒊𝒕 𝒇𝒊𝒏𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒚 𝒓𝒆𝒎𝒊𝒏𝒅𝒔 𝒉𝒆𝒓,   
𝒕𝒐 𝒇𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕 𝒋𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒂 𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒕𝒍𝒆,   
𝒕𝒐 𝒃𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒃𝒂𝒄𝒌 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒇𝒊𝒓𝒆 𝒊𝒏 𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒆𝒚𝒆𝒔.

“You’re still here.”

Surprise laced her words upon finding the sight of the CEO laid across the sofa, the quiet voices from the television soothingly filling the silence around them whilst a lazy, tender grin formed at the beauty’s features.

And frankly, if it wasn’t for the relaxing atmosphere that surrounded her, Lena was quite certain she’d have been bothered by how relieved the woman sounded after being confronted with the sight of her still lounging in her couch, when normally she’d be long gone by such time. Then again, she couldn’t quite blame Alex for having considered the possibility of being left alone since she had slipped out of bed a little over five a.m, therefore leaving the redhead to sleep on her own for a couple more hours.

Even so, her mouth quirked up in a wider grin, sleep—filled orbs flicking slowly across the redhead’s frame before she was patting the empty space beside her, hoping it’d be filled with her lover’s warm body, albeit still bruised which possibly meant they shouldn’t be snuggling up into each other on the couch.

“Yes, I’m watching _Killer On The Line_. Join me?”

“It’s barely seven a.m, baby, shouldn’t you be resting? Or getting ready for work?”

“I took the next two weeks off, I’m sure Sam will be able to take care of everything. The thought of you healing alone didn’t sit well with me, so I figured, why not helping you heal?”

A mischievous grin graced already wicked features, and as silent laughter spilled from Alex’s lips whilst her body settled comfortably next to hers, she rapidly buried herself into her embrace, carefully as not to injure her arm any further.

“Still, it might be a bit hard for me to push through my daily routine, I’m a little too attached to my normal schedules.”

“And should you be fixing that by watching crime investigation shows?”

“They’re really interesting. And honestly, they soothe me, too.”

An arm came up to curl around her shoulders, therefore pulling her in even closer until her cheek was safely nestled in her agent’s chest, an exhausted gaze still finding its way to the television over the sling—arm that was cautiously propped up onto her stomach.

“You’re a bit morbid, but I guess that’s why I love you.”

“Mhm. I guess I love you, too.”

With Alex’s chest vibrating soothingly with laughter, Lena really did attempt to keep her eyes open, and possibly, even focused on the images currently playing on tv. But exhaustion had an overwhelming effect on her, thus only pulling her further into a sleeping—state as she drifted off into a light slumber, her troubled mind replacing evidence, and facts about a homicide case with distant memories of her own.

**FLASHBACK**

**“**Congratulations. Shouldn’t you be enjoying your honeymoon right now?”

Heartwarming, really.

If asked, Lena would definitely find no issues in how Agent Danvers normally went through her cases, dealing with grieving people, whilst having that magnificent attitude. Then again, not all of them had the luxury of saying they were Luthors.

Emerald orbs fluttering shut, she attempted with far more effort than she’d like to admit to go to her happy place, refusing to snap at the only person that could actually help her in that moment—whether or not it’d mean having to tolerate a large dose of snark from the woman.

“I need a drink.”

“There’s plenty of bars in National City, Miss Luthor. Didn’t your husband even consider the obvious decision of taking you out to celebrate the happy date?”

“Alex, _please_.”

Regardless of the reluctance that was clearly written over soft features, the Luthor watched in relief as the door to her apartment opened completely, thus leaving enough room for her to slip inside before either of them would regret such decision. A shaking hand lifted to weave through messy, raven locks, only noticing the way Alex regarded her closely after a shuddering breath escaped through her nostrils.

“Kara wasn’t available?”

Realising, then, that finding comfort in Alexandra Danvers would mean having to be interrogated, most clearly judged by her foolish, reckless behaviour, and dealt with far more coldness than she was normally used to—and her mother was _Lillian Luthor_—, she took a second to wonder whether that had been the right decision.

But the truth was that she was already filled with incredibly, ludicrous ideas, so what was the problem in another?

“Kara would try to save me, and I _really_ don’t need saving right now.”

“What makes you so certain I won’t try to save you, too?”

“Because you’re furious.”

Dry laughter slid past thin lips, and hadn’t her curious gaze been entirely too concentrated on the redhead, she would have missed the way Alex sighed heavily, looking seemingly more drained than she herself was.

And oblivious as she was, she found herself wondering why that was the case.

“I’m not furious, Lena. I’m..disappointed, truly. I figured you’d make smarter decisions, but apparently, you’re on your way to ruining your life just as every of the members of your family did.”

“Well, I guess it’s in the genes.”

“Sure, do keep telling yourself that.”

Distant, and looking visibly upset, Alex still headed towards where she kept the bourbon, retrieving two tumblers before she was filling them all the way to the top. Apparently, the feeling of free—falling was closely shared between the two.

Eagerly reaching out with trembling fingers for her own drink, she quickly brought it up for a sip, wincing comically as soon as the taste hit her.

“This is awful.”

“I’m clearly upset with you, which means I’m not about to waste my good scotch on you.”

“I thought you weren’t upset?”

Again, she was filled with an overwhelming sense of relief upon catching sight of the hint of a smile that played at the redhead’s lips, a delicate hand patting across the empty space beside her on the sofa, and thus offering her a seat even if it meant needing to lecture her at some point during the night. And, well, lectured or not, she wasn’t about to decline the only opportunity she was sure to receive, so, reaching forward, she plopped down beside her.

“I said I wasn’t furious, it’s different.”

“I fail to see it.”

“Open a dictionary.”

Almost of its own accord, a curious gaze scanned over the area around her, seeking for that exactly before a tender hand was landing at her wrist, silently pleading with her not to actually _open_ one.

“N—Not. .right now. I was kidding.”

“I figured the distraction could be useful, I’m quite certain your weapon is only inches away.”

“I was actually saving it for another moment, in case I needed to use it on the _husband_.”

The humour was appreciated, granting her with the comfort needed for her to relax, possibly even accept the idea of eventually allowing her actual reasons to slip past her lips. As for the moment, she did her best to get intoxicated with crappy bourbon, not missing the way even the redhead winced at its taste.

“How did you find out?”

“It’s trending.”

“What? H–How?”

Head tilted sideways, curious hazel orbs observed the CEO, worriedly regarding her as if she’d said the most concerning thing anyone could think of in that moment. But as quick as worries came, they faded away, slowly getting replaced with fondness she never thought of herself being met with again.

“Alright, I’m getting the good booze.”

“What do you mean? Alex,—what are you talking about?”

“Give me a second.”

Figuring she had no other choice, she allowed the glass to be ripped away from her hands before its contents were poured down the drain. Silently thankful for whatever she’d said that had brought that on, she waited until the female was sitting next to her once more, setting the glass down onto the coffee table in the meantime, although this time it was filled with _appropriate_ alcohol.

“_What_ do you mean?”

“Honey, your—your mother is Lillian Luthor. What did you expect?”

Bitter—filled laughter escaped her lips, instantly curling slender fingers around the delicate glass as it was brought up to crimson lips, nearly downing half of the drink in one go.

“I guess I didn’t. Foolish me.”

Though it was surely beyond pointless, there was still a hand wrapping around her wrist once more, giving it a futile attempt to slow her drinking when it clearly wasn’t the solution, and despite the fact no result would come out of it, she still allowed herself to cherish the tender touch before it was gone—for God knows how long.

“You couldn’t have known.”

“Except I did. God, I’m so stupid.”

“You’re desperate, Lena, and under despairing circumstances, people tend to make reckless decisions. It doesn’t mean anything.”

No, it meant everything, but she wasn’t about to burst Alex’s bubble. It was far easier pretending that nothing would come out of it, when she actually had no other choice but to put up with the consequences of her idiocy.

Still, the agent’s hand felt pleasant in her own, which led her to wonder what had spread warmth through her—the alcohol she had found herself consuming throughout the night, or the delicate touches that often reassured her she was not alone, despite her initial believing she’d forever be lonesome to the point of wishing to accept inadequate circumstances, when she was strong enough to fight for better ones.

None of which mattered, nor guaranteed her drunken—state, considering she’d never felt more lucid than she did, then. Which was probably what encouraged her to utter in the quiet of Alexandra Danvers’ home, slightly turning her head that rested comfortably against the sofa’s cushion aside, wishing to find hazel orbs with her vibrant green ones. The second their gazes met, a weak smile found its way to her plump lips, those that only morphed into a more intimate smirk upon feeling that same hand slipping out of hers, only to cradle her knee instead.

“I was scared.”

Alex was silent, clearly in denial towards the possibility of interrupting her, then, and as she found herself in awe of the way she was cared for, _listened_ to, whilst the agent was around, she realised how easily personal thoughts flowed out of her mouth as if fear didn’t completely rock her to her core.

“I’m so incredibly out of my depth, that I found myself terrorised. I always heard of the possibility of your life choosing you, rather than you choosing it yourself, but I had never expected mine to take this course—no matter what meant being a part of the Luthors. I was scared, _Alexandra_, unprepared, and following orders seemed simpler than potentially ruining the only thing that continued to tie me to what was left of a possibility at repairing my family. Deep in my heart, I find just how impossible that is. But chances are still chances, and I’ve never been one to waste either of mine, thus it seemed appropriate. Following her advice, it—it seemed logical.”

“Lena—”

“And you know that I’m nothing if not logical. But even so, deep, deep down, I’ve been unbelievably neglected, that cherishing the smallest trace of attention seemed my only choice. I do that, you know? I long, and crave, and wish for attention that isn’t even mine to begin with. And upon receiving it, I find myself falling into a deeper, darker hole of self—deprecation which I’ll never find my way out of. I took a chance, I gambled, and I lost. And you know what’s most ironic?”

Tears welled up at her eyes, heavy, overwhelming drops that dangled dangerously off the edge of her long eyelashes, threatening to spill down her cheeks, and therefore show just the amount of profound vulnerability she had spent years attempting to conceal. And it took seeing Alexandra’s own eyes filling up with emotion for her to brush all that aside, vulnerability slipping to the back of her mind to be forgotten.

“I only, truly realised what I had to lose when you opened the door for me.”

“You should have married me instead.”

The quiet, but still so heavy, confession hung around them, startling Lena to reality, only to drag her into another foolish fantasy—where she had indeed married her, and rather than being filled with guilt, she’d been filled with warmth, and reassurance, and _self—love_—, and with a watery grin, she cupped that gorgeous face in her still trembling hand, husking out of fear.

“And what? Ruin you—_us_, in favour of pleasing Lillian Luthor? You deserve better.”

“I’d have faced a thousand Lillian Luthors for you, Lena. Only so I could consider myself as lucky, as that man, now, is, without even being aware of it.”

**BACK TO REALITY**

She woke up with a start, the remnants of her dream still clouding her mind as green eyes lazily fluttered open, only to find Alexandra Danvers snoring quietly into her raven locks. Tipping her head backwards, she allowed a soft smile to curve at her lips, one that took the smallest hints of sadness as what had been forgotten in her drunken—haze stayed ever—present at the forefront of her mind, forcing her to ponder on what she could have lost if she’d been just a little bit more foolish.

Pondering on what she could still lose, if she wouldn’t dare uttering the truth of her current predicament to the woman she loved.

But, once more, fear guided her every thought, and decision. Filled her from head to toe, sent tremors through her body, and encouraged her to wonder all about everything that could go wrong. What was true two years back continued to have its influence, then, too. And losing Alexandra Danvers to Lillian Luthor was not an option.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had considered the possibility of tormenting you with Lillian Luthor drama, but the truth is that torture comes in a much better form if I use them for such purpose instead—indeed, I am a monster. 
> 
> Thank you for all of you that continue to give this story a try, and I hope you stick around!


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